Glasses Scene Investigation

So on Sunday I carefully put my new $200 pair of progressive lenses in their special case and left the case on my nighstand.

A few hours later I went to find them and was perplexed to see the case at the foot of the bed. Opening it, I was pretty unhappy to see that my glasses were not in it.

I suspected that toddler Danny had been doing some "exploring" when I wasn't looking. So I did some exploring of my own and spotted the glasses by the closet door. Whew.

Walking downstairs I joked to Su that I was going to do some crime scene analyis on the tiny finger prints all over the lenses to crack the case, and then realized that one of the lenses was perfectly clear.

Or as Su much more accurately put it, the lens was actually missing from the frame. OH NOOOOOOO!

Danny was napping (not that he would have been able to tell me where it was anyway) so I got down on all fours and tried to think like a two year old. I crawled everywhere. Everywhere I tell you. This went on for about 10 minutes. (Does anyone see the irony in looking madly for a lens when you can't see particulary well without the lens?) Anyway...

I found the lens about 12" (yes inches) from where I'd found the frame. It was undamaged.

HUGE sigh of relief.

My hero Susanne got the lens back into the frame.

HUGER sigh of relief.

I know there is a lesson learned in here somewhere. I'll know it when I see it. -Monica

It's raining, it's pouring, the old mommy's wetvaccuming...

We had a wonderful birthday party yesterday for Danny which I will write more about later. Unfortunately inclement weather casued us to move inside which was fine. But then throughout the night the inclement weather (aka torrential rains) drove all of our new mulch in the back yard down into our stairwell which clogged the drain. Rut Roh. The water welcomed itself into our basement via the gap at the bottom of the back door.

Thankfully our neighbors have a wet vac that we used to vaccum several gallons of water out of carpet. Also thankfully nothing of value was on the floor (except of course 2 boxes of kitty litter which are now two boxed of clumped kitty litter.) I am exhausted now. Do you know how many times you have to vacuum and vaccum to get that water up? Oh well.

What a memorable birthday number two Daniel! To end on a brighter note, this is a pic taken last week while visiting my mom in Minnesota. What a charmer this boy is right? -Monica

Remember

Another Memorial Day weekend. Stores will have sales, lots of burgers will be grilled, and some of us will visit the graves of loved ones who fought for their country.

You know, I hate war. I truly think that there are better ways of resolving conflict than to go to war. I never want my son to fight in a war—and honestly I don’t know too many mothers that do.

But all this being said I have the deepest respect for those who have served in the armed forces. When I was back in MN last week I visited my father’s grave and was reminded by the words on his headstone that he was a veteran. He fought in Korea. Technically it was not a war. There was no declaration of war—it was the “Korean Conflict”, but I think if you ask anyone who was there, they will tell you that it was a war. And it was hell.

Dad and I visited the Korean Memorial on the mall in the 1990s and he said it was really well designed because it was so near the airport. Every minute or so he’d hear another plane overhead and get startled again—“very experiential” he said. Looking at the life like images of the soldiers walking he was brought back in time. He told me it was so cold there. Many people think Korea is hot and sunny like Vietnam but it at a much higher latitude than that. While there we overheard a kid saying “what’s this Korean War thing?” My dad turned to him and said “didn’t you ever see *MASH?” Yep. That was my dad.

I remember a teenage boy in our neighborhood went off to Vietnam when I was a kid. He never came home. I remember thinking he was a real grown up—maybe 19 years old. In retrospect he was just a baby. How sad. I remember seeing his name engraved in the wall in Washington and I could just picture his mom. How do you really ever say goodbye?

I guess you just pay your respects. Here are some words from the original order that enshrined Memorial Day after the Civil war.

“Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

If other eyes grow dull and other hinds slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain in us.

Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledge to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon the Nation's gratitude—the soldier's and sailor's widow and orphan.”

Happy Memorial Day everybody. And thank you to all who have served. -Monica

2 years old next week -- don't blink!

Wordless Wednesday

Awesome idea

So...if "they" can make seedless watermelon, do you think "they" can make poopless cats?

But, who are "they" anyway? ;-)

-Monica

So I'm thinking this morning that someone should invent a way that we can all get a vacation after our actual vacations so that we can recover from our vacations.

Except wouldn't that just be an endless cycle of vacations? I can think of worse things.

In closing, our 5 day visit to Minnesota was fabulous. Danny saw lakes and cows and and Chinese Dance and loved the Children's Museum. And since my family lives near the MSP airport, he also saw more "cacas" than he ever dreamed existed.

But Su and I are tired. And at work. I'm sorry, did I have a point? Will write more tomorrow. Have a lovely day everybody! -Monica

Doh! I Could Have Had an XY!

This morning in the letters to the editor of my favorite newspaper, a writer finished his rant over the horror of the possibility of same-sex marriage by writing:

“As for the argument that the supporters of the bill want only the same legal rights everyone else has, they already have it: the right to marry someone of the opposite sex.”

Oh My Gosh! How thoughtless of me. I could totally be legally wed right now if only I could live a lie and marry someone who is male. Brilliant! Yes, this living a lie thing must be the answer!

After all, I’m sure my lucky “Mr. Right” would not have any problem with the fact that I would not be attracted to him. And as a bonus for him, he’d get to spend his life with a very depressed me. Hmmmmm????? That is so not a pretty picture. But what else can I do?

Oh boy! I can’t wait to tell Susanne that even though she and Danny mean everything in the world to me, since I’d like the legal right to be married, I’m going to have to take off now and find myself a man. Golly, I’m sure glad I saw that letter to the editor this morning.

Wait. Hold on a dog gone minute. Now where did I read that living a lie wasn’t a very Christian way to live? Hmmmm??????

-Monica

Newspaper reading--a participatory sport

It was bound to happen. I grew up in a family where reading the paper at the breakfast table was a way of life. You know, stuff like "Oh My Gosh! Can you believe what this (fill in the blank) just wrote about (fill in the blank)?

Su is a more quiet reader, but it looks like our little Danny is going to hold his own just fine. This morning he grabbed the front page away from me and proceeded to "explain" what he thought of a picture of cars and people on bicycles. As you can see he is quite opinionated about everything. (He also liked the pics of the space shuttle.)

I may have to make sure he only sees the "Kid's Post" section and the funnies from now on. There was more than one picture this morning I needed to quickly cover up as he turned the pages. But I'm thrilled to see he likes the paper. Let's hope we still have papers to read in the years to come. -Monica

Before and after

He liked the clean shirt and the cold drink of water, but I think he would have passed on the whole 5 minutes of haircutting adventure if he'd had a choice. He did great, but the buzzing shaver was, how can I say this, not his friend.

But he looks so adorable right? -Monica

My name is...and I'm calling from the Internal Revenue Service

Yup, I just got a call from a guy and that's what he said. I happened to be in a meeting with several of my senior managers, but when my cell rang and showed "unknown caller", I stepped immediately to the side of the room to take the call.

You see, to me, "unknown caller" doesn't mean "unknown caller" it means "the police calling from the scene of the accident", or, I don't know, "the IRS".

Now why would I worry about the IRS? I'm very law abiding, do my taxes with the greatest of care, and am basically guitly of nothing. Nothing I know of at least.

That and a few years ago I got a letter in the mail from the IRS that said I owed $19,000 in back taxes for the previous tax year. It was all a big mistake because somehow money that was actually non taxable income from the sale of my house (we picked Susanne's house to keep) got reported as income to the IRS after I opened up some sort of investment annuity. I never really understood the whole mess.

After some calls it got straightened out, but I was on pins and needles waiting for that official letter to come absolving me of all culpability. I'm not one to bank on anything like "a guy named Norman told me on the phone on Friday that I don't have to pay that $19,000 and it's all a big mistake."

So back to today's call.

Yes, the gentleman was calling from the Internal Revenue Service. But he was calling to ask me about a program I run for my agency. Seems he wants to get some training and heard I could help him.

Wheewwwww. Am I breathing again yet?

-Monica

Four reasons to feel positively gay today!

From today’s National Public Radio

D.C. Council OKs Same-Sex Marriage Legislation

From today’s Bangor Daily News

Maine Governor Signs Same-Sex Marriage Bill

From today’s Washington Post

House Panel to Take Up Parental Leave Act

From today’s Government Executive Magazine

Tide May be Turning in Favor of Domestic Partner Benefits

A very nice weekend indeed

This weekend we had a great time. Danny's little friend Bailey turned two and her parents had a party at a place called My Gym. Happy Birthday sweetie--thanks for inviting us to your wonderful party! Danny had so much fun!

Anyway, while there, we were fascinated to see that his main interest was in grabbing a little basketball and trying over and over again to toss overhand into the child-sized basket. We can't quite figure out where he learned about basketball, but I must say I'm pretty excited about this development. I've played and coached my share of this fine sport, and can't wait to teach him how to pick and roll, shoot jumpshots and maybe play a little defense (that's the part I never really excelled at. ;-)

Oh, and this weekend we also learned an amazing bit of trivia about a miracle fruit. The miracle fruit plant (Synsepalum dulcificum) produces berries that, when eaten, cause sour foods (such as lemons and limes) consumed later to taste sweet.

Wow. I guess there are all kinds of cool potential applications of this fruit, particularly making awful tasting medicine better.

And I can't quite wrap my brain around how to capitalize on this part, but you see, Danny loves bitter and sour stuff. I don't think they taste bad to him. Honestly he will beg and plead until you give him your lime or lemon from your water glass in a restaurant. He'd eat the rind too if we'd let him.

As it is, we don't like to give him too many acidic things because we worry that it could damage his teeth, but gee, isn't there some way that we could take advantage of this? Miracle fruit. Miracle boy? Suggestions welcome.



Here's a pic of our little guy at around age 7 months after he "talked" us into giving him a pickle while out to eat. See what I mean? Is this the face of a sourpuss? I think not! -Monica

Springtime in DC

As seen through the eye of Susanne's camera. Seems to be that time of year when everything is blooming. Gorgeous right? Happy spring everyone! -Monica

So it wasn't even Friday when I wrote TGIF?

Calgon! Take me away! I guess last night's post should have said thank God it's ALMOST Friday.

I rest my case. -Monica

Seriously...TGIF

So I get home from work, change into comfy clothes and realize that our stinky boy needs a new diaper.

Mission accomplished. I then plop down on the bed with him chatting with Susanne for, I swear to God, at least a minute before I realize that Danny is contentedly playing with an entire leg of his green pants.

The pants that he's wearing.

Hmmm??? Something is not right here.

Su and I both burst out laughing as we realized that our boy has been dressed like this since the diaper change. And neither of us noticed!


As I said, thank God it's Friday! -Monica

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend!

Su's first cousin Patrick has been visiting us from Germany and it's been great. Danny adores him, he's funny and sweet, and try as we might, there seems to be no way to talk him into staying with us forever to be our "manny".

Stupid university.

Seriously though Patrick, when you get back home and see this, I hope you'll remember all the wonderful times you had with us and Danny especially this trip to the zoo where he practically pulled hairs out of both sides of your head.

You are always welcome here with us. See you next year in Deutschland! -Monica and Su and Danny (who is really, really, going to miss you!)

Wash with like colors...

Clearly my inner domestic Godess is not manifesting itself very well during these years of child-raising. So???? I get the cold water part of this, but really--like colors? If I wash it with the whites do I risk the pinkest jersey ever? Not to mention the pinkest load of whites ever?

Or do I go with washing it with the darks and watch my white and red pinstripes fade to a pinkish grey.

Life is so hard sometimes people. -Monica

P.S. I really was faced with this dilemma on Sunday. I met the challenge with inertia. The jersey waits alone in the basement. Unwashed. Unworn. But not forgotten.

Oh dear...

So technically my summery capri pants, that we got out of storage in answer to this DC heat wave, still fit.

But for some reason I keep having this vauge memory of watching the Incredible Hulk when I was a kid. You know. That show where mild mannered Bill Bixby transformed into Lou Ferrigno?

Oh that's just silly. These pants fit me just fine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to extricate myself from this chair to go get something to eat.

On second thought, I'm not really hungry. -Monica

Dawning awareness...

I do not have allergies. I repeat. I do not have allergies.

So why then, for the last three springs, has it felt like I've been swallowing tiny pieces of jagged glass whenever I step outside?

But this makes no sense. I am not an allergy person.

Time to rephrase. I apparently have allergies. I apparently have allergies. (Thank goodness for Cl*ritin). Oh geez. What's next? The heartbreak of psoriasis? -Monica



P.S. I wrote yesterday about our friend Cornelius nearing the end of his life. Sadly, but not unexpectedly news came last night of his passing. Good night sweet prince.

Dance

When I worked at Peace Corps I met a sweet friend named Laurette. Then I met her wonderful husband Cornelius, and had the honor of greeting them at the airport when they arrived home from overseas with their newly adopted daughter. This was about 10 years ago. How time flies.

I remember when they were trying to adopt they ran into troubles because Cornelius had previously had cancer. He’d been in remission for a long time, so they were beyond thrilled when they finally got the go ahead to adopt their beautiful girl. For several years all was good. Heck, all was great!

But over the past three years Cornelius and his family have been visited anew by this arch enemy. This cancer. And every time he’s miraculously made a comeback.

But today, he is in a hospital room surrounded by his family, dying. The doctors have told them that it won’t be much longer now. The pneumonia he contracted last week has been too much for his weakened body. Laurette wrote last night that "Cornelius is resting comfortably with his baby and her stuffed animals snuggling close in his bed."

I’ve been so sad all day just thinking about him and everyone who loves him. Thinking and praying.

I keep remembering something that Laurette and Cornelius once shared with us. It was that every year on their wedding anniversary, they both put on their original wedding clothes and dance around their living room.

At the time I was just amazed at the idea that their clothes still fit them, but the more I thought about it the more I was amazed that they were just so darn romantic.

So Cornelius, I pray for peace for you today and always. And for another dance with your beautiful wife someday. -Monica

Mama bye bye? Mama bye bye?

Apparently my lovely wife has heard Danny repeat this question about a zillion times since I left DC on Sunday morning to go to a conference.

I'm still away and when I return Wednesday, there is a slight chance that I will no longer be the apple of his eye. Seems he's been getting grumpier and grumpier with his questioning over time.

I don't travel much for work, but when I do I miss Su and Danny terribly. You'd think I'd be taking full advantage of this opportunity to sleep soundly at the lovely hotel where I'm staying, but I haven't. The first night I woke up twice thinking I heard Danny cry a bit, and this morning I'm up well before the crack of dawn because fluffy pillows are no substitute for the warmth and comfort of my beautiful wife.

All this being said I can't wait for tomorrow. For hugs and kisses and, I'm hoping, Danny's joyful shriek of "Mamo" (which sounds suspiciously similar to "Melmo" (yes his favorite Sesame Street friend). Heck I'd settle for his latest variation on my name, the very clever "Mamaca".

Whatever. Just so he is thrilled to see me. We haven't taught him yet how to hold a grudge, so I'm very hopeful!

See you soon loves! -Monica

Doggonit!

Do you remember Max the dog in How the Grinch Stole Christmas? How excited he was to sit on top of that sleigh?

See, this is our problem with Danny. When he acts up, we put him in timeout on the living room steps--just like "the books" recommend.

And for his part, he sits there with a happy grin beaming at us.

It's rather hard to continue to be sore at him. What a boy! -Monica

Dream a Dream indeed!

If you haven't had a chance to see this clip yet, I highly recommend you do. It's from a show called Britian's Got Talent (much like American Idol as I understand it) and shy, rather awkward woman named Susan Boyle stunned the judges (including Simon Cowell) with her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables.

Maybe it's just my love of the underdog that has made me simply adore this. Watch the judges and the audience. It's awesome! -Monica

I think I can, I think I can...

So I’m not saying my job is totally boring because it’s not. But yesterday the most exciting 5 seconds of my day—those precious moments where I felt most alive and engaged—were when I was waiting to see if I’d guessed the right password on a web app I don’t use often.

Like most, I have way too many passwords, and try as I might, I sometimes lose track of them. That’s when I resort to guessing.

This was to get into a travel system we use in my agency. I only had three chances—three strikes—and I’d be out. Then I'd have to contact the site to get a whole new password which is an annoying hassle. Ugh.

So I made my first guess. WRONG!

Okay. Let’s try guess number two. WRONG!

My adrenaline surged. I leaned forward in my seat and oh so carefully tried my final answer.

The screen went into that waiting pattern. The little world spun round and round in the corner of my screen.

Then this.

WELCOME TO THE XYZ TRAVEL MONICA!

I’m embarrassed to say I actually threw both fists into the air in a little victory “dance” and whispered “yes!”

Maybe today I’ll try and figure out how I can put someone on hold and bring another caller on the line. It seems so easy when someone else does it. ;-)

A very happy Easter it was!

Psych!

I haven't had a chance to write this week about how really excited Susanne and I are about the exciting news coming out of Iowa, Vermont and our home town the District of Columbia in regard to legislation to either allow for gay marriage, or in the case of DC, to allow people who are legally married elsewhere to have their marriages recognized here. To learn more about some of the details of these issues read here.

One thing you'll note if you take a look at the link above is that another measure was approved the same day. It was introduced by DC Councilmember Phil Mendelson's and deals with determining parentage for domestic partners in DC.

This is a big deal. In a nutshell, if we were to have another child, by virtue of our Domestic Partnership Agreement, I would be listed immediately on our child's birth certificate. We could give the baby either of our last names, so we could immediately give him or her mine. With Danny, he had to carry Susanne's last name until I could legally adopt him at 6 months. In fact since we took him on a visit to Germany as a younger infant he needed to get a Social Security card in order to get a passport--both of which had to be done with Su's last name that was later changed. What a hassle to redo all of that stuff!

It's hard to explain how frustrating it is to have to prove that you are a worthy parent with home studies by social workers, court dates etc...all the while having virtually no legal standing to care for your little baby until a judge says "yes" (and that's not a guarentee!). Sadly in the eyes of the law, you are a complete stranger to that child.

If this new legislation passes, our second child, should we be so blessed, would be our child LEGALLY from its very first breath. How exciting. Not to mention saving thousands of dollars on adoption costs. But since the cost of the adoption basically gets reimbursed as a credit at tax time, I am less concerned with the cost than I am by the prinicple of the matter.

So, we'll have to see how this all plays out since legislation passed by the DC Council is subject to review by the U.S. Congress due to DC Home Rule (don't get me started.) We are just so excited that little by little change is coming. Yes! -Monica

Oh Snap!

For Christmas this year Susanne got her wish--enrollment in a digital photography class. She's always been a very good photographer, but she wanted to learn a bit more about F-Stops and lighting and composition and stuff like that. As you can see from the photo here she did very well. Of course it helps to have the most adorable model in the world I always say!

Congratulations honey! Great job! -Monica

Tough call...

I work in an organization in a federal government agency that focuses on a couple of different things, including a section of the Rehabilitation Act that deals with IT accessibility.

So even though most of the questions I deal with come from other federal colleagues, because it is in the broad area of disability, sometimes I get questions from the general public, and I do my best to try and point them in the right direction.

This morning a call was transferred to me from our front office, and it was a gentleman who had been disabled by a stroke but was recovering. He was clearly looking for help. As I started to listen to his story, I could tell right away that this man was in deep despair. I knew that I could offer him no assistance in terms of our program, but that was beside the point as he continued.

He’d lost his job and was going to lose his home to foreclosure in two weeks. He felt like he’d been tricked by a shady lawyer and so ashamed that he'd let his whole family down. He began to cry as he told me that he didn’t think he could go on anymore.

We talked (I mostly listened) for about 15 minutes and during that time I looked up the number for the toll free suicide prevention hotline, and also an organization in the city where he lived that offered free counseling for people nearing foreclosure.

I found that I was all choked up as I spoke with him. I like to think that he felt that I was empathizing with his pain and I was.

I told him that I was going to give him two numbers to call and asked him if he had something to write them down with. I remember from my years as a first aid instructor reminding students that when people are very distressed they need very concrete direction.

I asked him if he would do me a favor and promise me that the second we got off the phone he would dial the 800 number to talk to a counselor about how he was feeling like he couldn’t go on. I asked him to promise me, because a promise is a very concrete and powerful thing.

He promised me he would. After he’d talked to them , I said, then call the local number for the foreclosure counseling. I also told him that the first place he was going to call was probably going to have some even better ideas that I didn’t know about.

As we were about to hang I up I told him “God Bless”. And I meant it more than anything I’ve ever said before.

I’m so grateful that there are toll free numbers for suicide hotlines, poison control centers and rape crisis centers. I don’t think I could ever do that kind of work, but I’m grateful to all you folks out there who do.

This whole experience also just makes me livid at those who have caused the economic mess that we are in today. I'd like to see all these AIG and other Wall Street bigshots have to listen to the calls that the suicide prevention line gets all day. Maybe then they'd see what they have done. -Monica

The eyes have it!

So I think that all people who examine other human beings for a living should be taught the dangers of saying “hmmmmhhh?” as they examine their patients.

This morning during a routine eye exam (okay I hadn’t had one in years) my optometrist after looking in one eye and then the other and then back to the first eye again, opined “hmmmmhhh?”

Turns out that it’s no big deal. So what if one optic nerve (actually bundle of nerves) looks a lot different from the other? I have no other risk factors for glaucoma (including perfect pressure) and he emphatically told me “I don’t think you have glaucoma”, but still, did he need to do the “hmmmmhhh?" We'll check again in 9 months to see if everything is still looking okay. Unsymetrical, but okay.

You know, it wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d been uncommunicative during the whole exam, but he was one of those peppy “you’re doing great!” kind of guys.

So, anyway, after my anxiety raged for a moment or two I was fine. Turns out my right eye is near sighted and my left eye is far sighted. That explains a lot about my recent vision strain. Looks like I’ll be getting what are called progressive lenses (sort of bifocally with no line.)

Ah, another day, another $200. -Monica

So baby pandas think this bamboo stuff is yummy?

Gentle Danny, gentle...

I honestly don't know which is more impressive. The fact that Su captured this shot of Danny discovering a butterfly on a flower, or the fact that the butterfly was still there when he got this close.

Another billionth of a second and it would have just been a picture of wings lifting off! -Monica

Perceptive eh?

When you look at this logo what do you see? (Okay, scroll down a bit now.)













While driving past our local Goodwill story recently we learned that Susanne sees the letter "g", while I see half of a smiling face.

What does it mean??? Inquiring minds want to know! -Monica

Aw mom... Not the camera again!

Meme! Otherwise known as look at me, me!

Oh boy! Jenni over at Oscarelli tagged me for this six random things meme. I’ve never been tagged before. Great! That will be my first random thing about me!

The RULES:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Six Random Things About Me.

1. I’ve never been tagged before! (Well I guess technically I have now.)

2. From 1994 -1996 I lived in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I was a civilian with the Justice Department and was helping the thousands of rafters who had fled Cuba, and were intercepted at sea. One funny story is that I would sometimes accompany people on flights to Florida once they’d been granted parole. When the flight attendant would start the safety speech in Spanish and mentioned the personal flotation devices, you know, “in case of a water landing”, just about everybody on the plane (seriously) would start looking under their seat to try and check out it out. Made sense if you think about the fact they’d fled on rafts, but it was very comical to see happen.

3. When I delete words when I’m typing I prefer to go to the beginning of the word I don’t want and hit the delete key, rather then going to the end of the word and hitting backspace.

4. In second grade I got a mix of A’s, A+’s and A-’s on my report card. I told everyone I got “crooked A’s”!

5. When I was about six I wrote a letter to The Quaker Oats Company asking if my brother and I could be cereal tasters at their company. I assured them that my dad could drop us off an pick us up every day (apparently I thought it would be a short commute between the Twin Cities and Chigago). Anyway, someone wrote back and told me that I could apply for a job when I was 18 and they sent us coupons for free boxes of Quisp and Quake Cereal. I was in heaven! Come to think of it, I don’t know why I didn’t write more letters like that!

6. Here's something random. I never realized til now how hard it is to come up with these random things about myself. Thank goodness I only needed to do six of them (as opposed to that Facebook "25 things about me" AND found a way to make my numbers 1 and 6 here basically about nothing. Cheers!


I'm tagging:

1. Beth at Beth and Eric Down Under

2. Amy at Bugaloobrenny

3. Strawberry and Nutella at 1 in Vermillion

4. Stimey at Stimeyland

5. Casey at Half as Good as You

6. Sarah at Journey of a Co-Mom

What we have here is a failure to communicate...

This is catfood.

This is a floor without catfood strewn all over it.

Can someone out there help us explain to Danny why cat food is for cats and not for strewing? (And yes that is a real word--I checked.)

He knows that it is a no no and in fact now repeats back to us "no, no" while waggling his finger as if to show us that he gets it.

But still he strews. Twice now in the last 12 hours.

Parenting 101. Remove the temptation from the child's reach. Divert the child's attention.

Parenting 201. You can't remove everything from the child's reach at all times. You can't divert a child's attention at all times.

I think we’d better stop auditing these imaginary classes and figure out what to do here.

-Monica

I April Fooled myself today!

Yes, I'm that silly.

I sat down to log into my computer at work like I do every day. User ID. Password. Just like I do every day.

But it didn't work.

I tried it again. Thoughts of the dreaded April Fools Day C*nficker virus filled me with a sudden and terrifying sense of doom.

One more time slowly, checking to make sure my CAPS LOCK was not on.

It was all over. I was absolutely convinced that every cent of money in every account gone. Every password to every thing I'd ever logged into in my life was surely now in the hands of some terrifying enemy.

Then my brian recognized something so small. So tiny.

Apparently my 10 letter last name that is incorporated into this combination of IDs was a little short today. I SPELLED MY OWN LAST NAME WRONG! I forgot an entire letter to be exact.

Geez! It's not like I haven't typed it approximately 7,223,999,876 times since the dawn of the computer age.

But oh the relief when I got into my system.

So April Fools Day to you. To all of us!

-Monica

In your dreams...

The second Danny wakes up in the morning he asks "choo choo?" So I'm guessing it's pretty easy to figure out what he's dreaming about. I also suspect that our cats constantly dream about squirrels and birds.

But what about the dreams we adults have? What a crazy blend of images and thoughts. Just think of the hundreds (maybe thousands) of images and sounds we are exposed to all the time. Television, radio, books, the internet....the list goes on and on. Last week we watched a show on TV where a guy purposely trapped people into a movie theater and set it on fire. Guess what I dreamed about?

Imagine what it must have been like to have lived in the past where you maybe just lived your whole life in one place and maybe never traveled more than 20 miles from your home. No books, no movies, nothing. What did people dream of? Apple trees? Babbling brooks?

I guess there were scary things that could enter into their thoughts and dreams. Wild animals? Accidents they saw? There's always hellfire and damnation right?

I guess I'm just saying that I think it's pretty amazing that we get any sleep at all today with the pictures that are filed away in our heads.

Just my (sleep deprived) thought for the day. -Monica

Sticker Shock

This is a photo of a 1974 Chevy Nova. Yes, the two door, three on the tree (which I hope means something to someone out there) was my pride and joy. I was finishing up college and working at the local Target when I bought it and proudly took out my first ever car loan. A whopping $900 which I paid in installments for a heck of a long time. I remember it so well. Not so much the car, but the whopping amount of money it cost me back in 1982.

Fast forward to a fine March morning in 2009. I'd just dropped both cats off for a teeth cleaning that "might" include an extraction or two last Friday. I was given an estimate, and asked to provide a number where I could be reached if they found more problems once the cleaning began.

The call came about two hours after I'd dropped them. Harley was in surgery (general anesthsia--cats don't sit still for teeth cleaning.) The doctor let me know that the cat had some pretty major teeth problems. "Down to the nerve", "not much tooth left in some places", "jaw might need some hardening solution once they extracted the bad ones".

"Looks like 8 teeth will have to come out. The Oral Resporptive Lesions are pretty bad."

What was I supposed to say? Oooohhh...that's getting pretty expensive doc. Just take a few and leave the rest? I could hear the "beep, beep, beep" of the little monitor in the background.

"Go ahead, do what you need to do."

So Harley ended up with 9 teeth removed. I got a call about CJ in the afternoon. She needed 5 teeth out.

So, where was I? Oh yes, both cats came home with pain medication, Harley with antibiotics and they are now on soft foods for two weeks. Ironically, the diet we've been feeding them is exactly right. Some cats just get these lesions we are told.

It's hard to reconcile wanting to be good and responsible pet owners with this kind of money. We would not want them to suffer unnecessarily (and we suspected Harley was from how he was scratching his face of late.) Do you get a second opinion? I've never heard of that with veterinary care either.

The fact of the matter is that this ended up being a huge and frankly unexpected expenditure. Heck, we could have been the proud owners of two and 1/2 circa 1974 Chevy Novas for what we ended up having to pay for this "teeth cleaning".

Anyway, now I've just got to figure out a way for these two toothless (well not really since they each have 30 teeth) felines can be put to work to earn their keep. Maybe we'll get a generator to charge our cells that the cats will have too run on a treadmill to provide the power. Because they are so obedient.

Oh, in re-reading this I realized that I sort of forgot to communicate how worried we were about both kitties, and how glad we were that they seemed to recover fairly quickly from some very invasive surgery. Here they are--our portly gentleman Harley with the grey coat and his littler sidekick CJ. We love our little kitties. What? No smiles for the camera? ;-)


-Monica

Some sage advice...

Have you ever seen this kind of note in the paper when your favorite advice columnist is out of town?

“Marilyn Sax is on vacation. The following are excerpts from summer 2004 live discussions on www.yourfavoritenewspaper.com”

Oh my Gosh! If only I had a job where when I was away, I could just recycle old stuff.

Just imagine…

“Monica is on vacation. The following budget numbers and reports are from the previous Fiscal Year, but enjoy anyway!”

You see, I can’t get away with that because the nature of the problems change. And the numbers change. And the reporting requirements change.

But human nature? I’m not sure that the nature of the problems change much. So the answers don’t either right?

I so want to be an advice columnist now. Oh. I guess that would require me to be wise. Sigh. There is always a catch right?

-Monica

Howdy Sherriff!

Fun times at the mall. Shouldn't all shopping malls have children's play areas? Danny had great fun last week when we had to head out to suburban Maryland for an errand, and we wanted to post this photo as a special shout out to Danny's Nana's best friends Peggy and Mike. Mike spent his career as a Law Enforcement Officer in Howard County (yes, they are called LEOs--get it?) and anyway, we thought they'd appreciate this. Have a great day everybody! -M

P.S. Good thing it's an ambulance. Look what Danny is doing to that poor froggy driver's eye!

Rats! Ants! Rant!

So if you made what you thought was a delicious pan of lasagne but ants completely ignored the chunks on the floor by your son's high chair would you be offended?

Me niether.

I think.

-Monica

P.S. The exterminator came yesterday by the way. That will be all ants. That will be all.

Lighting the Corners of my Mind...

We’re going to our friend Meredith’s wedding shower this weekend and I was just reflecting back on all the weddings I’ve attended. A couple dozen I’d guess over the years. Some are more memorable than others and so I just decided to think of which memory really, really stands out.

Or course our wedding stands out to me most of all. Hands down the winner.

But could never forget watching the train of my friend Mindy’s dress catch fire when she bumped a paper bag with a candle that was lining the outdoor reception area (her husband and about a dozen guests who were far closer than I was put the flames out in an instant.) That was memorable indeed.

But the winner in my memory would have to be this story. I was attending the wedding of a friend named Lori up on the Boston area back in 1993 or 1994. She and her new husband Diego took the floor for their first dance and it was one of those songs that was all over the radio at the time that from some children’s movie. Suddenly I realized it was the music from “Beauty and the Beast”.

Beauty and the Beast? What?

True, I did think she was more attractive than her new husband, but come on! How in the heck could they have picked that? I secretly looked around to see if anyone else seemed aghast. Hmmm…no reaction at all. Hmmm… Maybe they all thought he was a beastly looking guy I thought.

And then I realized my error. It was actually the song “Somewhere Out There” from an American Tail.

I’ll never forget that wedding. And I'm an idiot sometimes. What’s your favorite wedding memory?

-Monica

For Real

When we read children’s stories to Danny that have a mommy and a daddy in them, we always change the words to say mommy and mama instead. We read this idea in a book on gay parenting (sorry I can’t remember which) and think it makes great sense.

It is possible to find stories that talk about families having two moms or two dads, but they are pretty rare. Todd Parr’s “The Family Book” is a great example, but it’s the exception not the rule.

You see, we want Danny to know that that even though our family is not the same as a lot of other kids’ families, it’s valid. It’s is true.

Truth. You may ask, “If you value truth, why would you lie to Danny by making it seem like there are two moms when there are not? Isn’t he going to realize that you’ve been lying to him when he can read on his own?”

Well, let’s take a look at this concept of truth in our world. Remember the Brady Bunch? What a fun show! And imagine how all those kids out there who had step moms and step dads loved that the Brady’s were all step siblings. Yeah! But let’s peel our onion back a little further shall we. Robert Reed played Mike Brady. The quintessential wonderful father. So handsome, so wise. Admit it. You loved him. He was a great dad.

But Robert Reed in real life was gay. And closeted. He was not free to live a truthful life, much less portray a character that was true to himself on that show. Can you imagine if they’d done a show about two dads coming together to “form a family—that’s the way they all became the Brady Bunch”? Forget about Mike and Carol! Go Mike and Herold! No, that was not an option then. Sadly, not even now I don’t think.

And what about Maurice Sendak? He wrote a children’s story that is generally regarded as a classic of American illustrated children's literature, “Where the Wild Things Are”. Mr. Sendak came out of the closet when his partner of many years died in 2007. He didn’t think he would have been a successful author, particularly of children’s stories, if people knew he were gay. So you know that our star of “Where the Wild Things Are” little Max, did not have two same sex parents. Because even if Mr. Sendak would have loved to have written a story where he and his beloved partner were the parents in that tale he could not have.

So where was I going with this?

Oh. Truth and reality. Being the son of two moms will make Danny in the minority for the most part—part of a subordinate group in our culture. Dominant groups in our society often get described with positive adjectives and subordinate groups often get described with negative adjectives. Using men and women as an example, men are often described as strong, fearless and decisive while women are often described as being weak, scattered, catty etc…

When you are a part of a subordinate group, and you internalize that crap too long it injures you. And that is wrong.

I remember once many years ago getting on an airplane and hearing voice over the PA saying something like “my name is Sarah Parker and I’ll be your pilot today”. I was momentarily stunned. In my world view pilots were tall, confident men and she was definitely not that. Was I afraid she wouldn’t be able to really fly that plane? I’m ashamed to admit on some level yes. I was afraid. But what did that say about me? Was I not able to “fly my own plane” in life? This was shocking to me.

From that day forward I decided that I was going to take charge of my world view. Be more aware of the power of words and the messages they send. So when Danny’s old enough I’ll explain to him why we changed “daddy” to “mommy”. Because we will not be party to our son’s oppression. We’ve got a lot of work to do in the world to change the way things are. And in our little sphere of influence, this is one small way we are working to do just that.

-Monica

Top 'O the Morning to You!

Or as my funny brother Paul taught me to say each time St. Patty's Day rolls around--

"Top 'O the Morning To You and the Rest 'O the Day to Me!!!"

Have a great day everybody! -Monica (and the rest of the clan ;-)

While working from home today I took a break during lunch to prune our herb garden in the front yard. I think I did okay but I have a problem. Two really.

The first problem is that honest to God I cannot tell the difference between most herbs and weeds. To be even more honest I usually can’t tell the different herbs apart which is embarrassing. For example, when we use herbs in recipes and Su asks me to go outside and get a snip of sage or basil or whatever I usually struggle. Then she’ll tell me again what it looks like and kindly remind me that we have little signs next to each one that say what they are. See, this is why I love her. (One exception is that I know rosemary. It's my only certainty in garden life.)

Susanne is a gardener. She is, I think, most at peace and happy when she is outside working in the rich earth. She loves it and can make anything grow. If the weather hadn’t been so miserable this weekend she would have pruned, but instead I thought I’d volunteer to get out there today so we can focus next weekend on the cool raised beds we are going to create to expand our vegetable garden in the back.

So I mentioned I have two problems with the whole pruning thing. Yes, it’s scary to guess which things are weeds and what should go and which are actually good plants that should stay. But my second problem goes back to a story that’s minor folklore in my family.

Apparently when I was around 8 or my dad was going to replace a broken part of a bedroom wall. It needed a new sheet of sheetrock and he’d set to work pounding out the broken bits of plaster to begin the repair. Now dad wasn’t much into these home repair kinds of things so soon enough he stopped to take a nap. Eight year old me thought that pounding out the broken plaster was great fun, and I thought I’d help while he was napping. I pounded and pounded and remember being so excited to see how happy dad would be when he’d seen what I’d done. (Dad could sleep though anything so he had no idea what I was up to.)

Anyway as it turned out the other three walls in the room were perfectly fine. “Were” is the operative word here. They all now had dozens of hammer holes in them.

Needless to say it was not a good day for me (or my dad apparently). My soaring confidence was crushed and I think from that day forward I’ve always been a little afraid of accidentally taking out more than I should.

So I pruned today, but I couldn’t cut everything out even though I think I maybe should have. Funny how things that happened so long ago can still affect you so much. I definitely got punished for wrecking all the walls, but the punishment isn’t what has stayed with me. It’s the fear that whenever I think I’ve done a good job on something it's is almost always tempered by that little tiny voice that says “that’s what you think Monica”.

So, I hope that the pruning was okay. I know that Susanne won’t be mad if she needs to trim a bit more. It’s a lot easier to trim a bit more than to make herbs magically grow again if they’ve been inadvertently destroyed. Just my thought for a grey and cold afternoon. -Monica

Dysfunction Junction what's your function?

Let's see. My laptop seems to have a problem. The screen should be able to stay in a locked and upright position, but after getting progressively worse over time, it is now kaput.

The computer works fine, but the screen must be propped up by a pillow or other object at all times. And if I'm not careful it smashes down on the keys and basically shuts the computer completely off. I then lose whatever I was working on. Not fun I tell you. There also appears to be no way to tighten any screws or anything to fix it.

So I guess that in a manner of speaking my laptop is suffering from erectile dysfunction (hmmm that looks more innuenoey in writing than it does when I say it out loud).

-Monica

Not forgotten

This morning Danny was wide awake at around 5 am, (ugh!) and after taking him downstairs and giving him some milk he fell asleep in my arms on the couch for the next two hours. Just like we did in this picture taken the week he was born.

He’s a bit longer now that he’s 21 months old—stretches all the way past my knees now, but it seems to me he fits just as perfectly now as he did then.

As I held him I reflected on something that’s been on my mind of late. If the baby that we lost to a miscarriage last summer had survived, he or she would have been due right about now. This week.

This makes me (and Susanne of course) sad. I can still remember exactly the song that was playing on our CD player when she called down to me from upstairs that something was wrong. I can't listen to it anymore. I just can't.

Life does of course go on, but you're changed by this experience. You forget in one sense, but you never really forget.

But I am also reminded of one of my favorite sayings by Hafiz.

"This place where you are right now God circled on a map for you."

As I held Danny in my arms this morning, I knew with great certainty that this was true. And that we are blessed. -Monica

Dreamy...

Last night around midnight I awoke to the sweetest sound. Down the hallway, Danny was talking. Gently and quietly he was just chatting along. He doesn’t talk much yet, and in fact his two word “sentences” are pretty much limited to “mama, nana, choo choo, caca (helicopter) and thank you” (which sounds a little like “tattoo”). But last night even though I was too far away to hear if he was saying actual words, I could tell that he was communicating with a cadence like regular speaking. Then he drifted back to sleep. It was so sweet. Both because it’s fun to watch him grow up, but also because usually when he wakes up at night he starts crying.

In the morning I asked Su if she’d heard it too or if I’d just imagined it. She had! I guess we were too sleepy to talk about it when we heard it—either that or on some level we were afraid if he heard us talking he’d start wailing.

Anyway, I remember as I was falling back to sleep, reflecting on how after two years of speaking Spanish in Guatemala (during Peace Corps), I was astonished to learn that I had begun to dream in the language. I wonder if this is similar to what’s happening in Danny’s brain now that almost two years has gone by for him? Of course in my dreams I was much more fluent than I was in real life. (Maybe Danny too? ;-)

Anyway, thought I’d share this happy little tale. Oh and on a related sleepy note, his grandma will definitely smile to hear that when I went in to cover him up much earlier in the evening, he woke up for a brief moment from a sound sleep and immediately called out “Nana???” This boy loves his Nana!

-Monica

Ah...my fair weathered friend!

This weekend we took a quick trip to our favorite B&B in the Shenandoah and enjoyed some time hiking and exploring. The best part was that Danny got to know his new best friend, AKA his shadow. Shadow was a wonderful playmate. Whatever Danny did, his shadow did too! No questions asked!

Ah to be young and delighted by such simple pleasures. Of course Shadow wasn't so playful come sunset, but Danny is a patient guy. There's always tomorrow!

Have a great day everybody! -Monica

Note to self

I have met the enemy, and the enemy is Crayola Crayons.

I don't recommend that there be any crayons in the pockets of little clothes when you do the laundry. Especially when you wash like 90% of everything your toddler owns in one big load.

More next time on my "Adventures in Laundering".

-Monica

P.S. On the bright side there are lots of good solutions to be found on the Internet!

Update! This solution as a matter of fact just totally saved the day. His once purple streaked clothes are now cleaner and brighter then they have ever been and not a bit of crayon to be seen!

Maybe? Maybe NOT!

Well yesterday was great fun as many friends came by to share cake for Su’s birthday. We had about 5 toddlers at the house until around 8 pm so you can just imagine them all slowly but surely simultaneously winding down while still going and going. It was very cute. Maybe it was the carrot cake? What goes up must come down right? (I’m talking blood sugar levels here.)

So anyway, the title of my post. I was thinking about how my life has a lot fewer maybes in it since Danny was born. Not that this is a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

For example. Last Friday I was running an afternoon forum for work and hadn’t had lunch. Sometime later in the afternoon I suddenly started absent-mindedly daydreaming about the fact that there was a MacDonald’s at the metro station across the street. Maybe when the event ended I could go grab a burger and fries before heading home? Or maybe that sandwich shop??? Until I suddenly remembered OH MY GOSH! I’VE GOT TO GET HOME AS FAST AS I CAN TO GET THE CAR AND DRIVE OVER TO GET DANNY BEFORE 6:00!

It’s like all my options are different now and there are fewer of them.

Like remember when a weekend would roll around and you had something sort of planned, but then you just decided to just stay in bed in all day and read the entire Sunday paper? Or maybe stroll over to a local coffee shop? Or maybe just, I don’t know? Sleep?

Well, the thing with kids is that they have needs that must be filled. Sippy cups of milk, diaper changes, baths once in a while, food on a regular basis (and healthy foods at that which is not as easy as feeding them cake regularly ;-) They absolutely need your love and affection too. You can negotiate who does what in terms of tasks if you have a partner, but it is non-negotiable that all of these need must be met for the little ones. So there are many fewer “maybes” built into life with a child.

And even though I’d be lying if I said that I never missed the “good old days”, I do have to say that responsibilities and all with Danny, I really do feel like these are the “great new days”. And I don’t mean maybe. -Monica

Happy Birthday Love!

I snagged this photo from Susanne's baby book to let the world know that she is, (in my humble opinion) the most beautiful baby ever born. Until of course a tie was declared when she gave birth to Danny 33 years later ;-)

I promise I won't get all sappy or anything honey, but you are the most beautiful woman I know, and I love you with all my heart. Ditto for the little guy! Happy birthday my love. -Monica and Daniel

Never let 'em see you sweat

But when you're only one year old you can just say "never let 'em see you drool!" -Danny!