Visting family in Richmond = Great fun for all!

We took a quick trip to visit Su's dad (Pop Pop) and family in Richmond this weekend and as you can see, all the kids had a wonderful time. Let the games begin! -M

I really will blog again...I promise!

Wow. I can't believe I haven't posted in so long. So, where were we in the saga called life?

Well, my long lost cousin I wrote about is going to meet both his birth mother and birth father this weekend. Turns out he's quite the slueth. These two knew each other for a short time in the 1960s but did not stay in touch. He'll be meeting them both seperately and I like to think of this as sort of a fun soap opera. I hope it goes well for all involved!

I don't know if I mentioned that a goldfish we got for Danny on his birthday died about an hour after he got it. Seems there is something called "new fish tank syndrome" or something like that. We got some new stuff to add to our water and it passed some chemical tests so his second fish has been doing well for the past week. Wish us luck. It was no fun for anyone when fish #1 went to "swim with the fishies". On a positive note, both boys love our new fish.

Well, that's just about all I have time for today. I promise to keep up better in the future. Have a great day, and stay cool if you live here in the Northeast! -M

Danny's Awesome 4th Birthday!

Guess Who LOVED the BEACH?

Have I ever mentioned that I'm an overexaggerator?

Word to the wise. If you persist in telling your three year old that you are going to go to "Yertle the Turtle Beach" for vacation, there may be some MILD disappointment when you arrive at plain old Myrtle Beach.

Only time will tell I guess.

I have a distinct feeling however that I soon may be "Queen of the Mud". -M


P.S. Actually overeggagerate is not a word. It's an exaggeration of the word exaggerate. Oh my...

The Very Curious Case of a Newfound Cousin

As one of my favorite philosophers once said “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. (And yes it is perfectly fine to claim a make believe movie character as a favorite philosopher.)

Anyway where was I? Oh, right.  So last Monday evening, I got a call on my cell when I was at a music class with Su and the boys from the 508 area code.

I immediately took the call because to me the 508 area code means one thing—Boston. And when I get a call from Boston, it usually means one thing. My only living aunt on my dad’s side has had a fall or something at the nursing home where she lives. (My aunt really has no other close relatives left besides me and my siblings and I’m the one who has stayed closest to her).

Well it wasn’t the nursing home calling, but the call did have something to do with my aunt. Seems when Massachusetts changed some laws in the past few years, it became possible for people who had been given up for adoption to get their hands on their birth certificates which before then had been sealed.

I was in shock as the man on the other end asked me if I had any idea how he could locate the name of the birth mother listed on his birth certificate (I have the same last name as my aunt and his internet sleuthing had given him a hunch to call the numbers he found for me.)

The funny thing is that if he’d have called me several years ago, I would not have had any idea what he was talking about. But through a series of events a few years ago,  I had learned that she’d given birth to a boy in the late 1960s whom she’d given up for adoption. Now I was talking to him.

I must admit I was in shock. (He was in more shock though to have found someone who knew how to reach her!)

I’ll make a long story short. He’s a very nice guy that has done very well for himself. He’s got a wonderful family (they have two young kids) and a job with lots of travel and responsibilities. I actually got to meet him face to face the other day for lunch which was great!

And now, in a few hours, for the first time ever, he’s going to talk to his birth mom on the phone.

The nursing home staff has been wonderful. When I called them after learning this shocking news they strategized first before talking to her about it so she'd have the support she needed if this was going to be too overwhelming for her. She’d kept this secret a long time after all. But after saying "wow" she also thought it was really interesting and wants to talk to him and hopefully meet him.

I don’t know if he’ll find all the answers he’s looking for. My aunt is a bit of a “character” and has some mental health issues that make it hard to know how she’ll deal with stuff or even what she’ll say.

But I find myself so rooting for this connection (reconnection) to be a good one for both of them.

More than anything I’m just very grateful that he is healthy and has had a good life. I think that every mom who makes that painful decision to put up her child for adoption wishes for nothing more than that.

And when all is said and done, I know is that my siblings and I feel like we’ve gained some nice new cousins out of all this. Curious case indeed. -M

I'll admit there is some bias here...

In 2007 we met a wonderful couple in a Birth Works class who were due at the same time that we were. In May our little Danny was born, and a few weeks later Jenni and Nelson's adorable Oscar came into the world. They were both cuter than any of our hearts could ever have imagined.

Our families are so fortunate to be very close to this day as Jenni has been our day care provider extraordinaire for the past 3+ years.  Arguably our blogs are filled with a gazillion of photos of every moment of Danny and Oscar's blossoming lives.

Then, as is wont to happen, both of our families were double blessed by the births of second children. Ironically both sons, and not so ironically, perfect! Miles was born in December of 2008 and our Benji almost exactly one year later.

The other day Jenni shared this wonderful photo of these two buddies doing what they do best--just being.

Amazing that is.

I've decided that if I'm ever having a down day I'll come back to this post and look closely at this picture. I find it impossible to keep from grinning ear to ear.

Have a great weekend everybody, and thanks for this great pic Jenni! -Monica

Silly times in a fishbowl "ball pit"

This last photo of Benji's lower half and Danny's upper half cracks me up.  Have a great day! -M

It's All in the Iris of the Beholder...

Random thoughts for a Friday

1. If you were "The Donald" and had all the money in the world, would you wear your hair the way he does?

2. Every night before taking Danny into the boys' room for a "night night" story (where Benji is already sleeping) we review the rules. "No talking to Benji, no touching the crib and no touching Benji."  So last night when I asked what the rules were, without missing a beat Danny replied "No sleeping". Oye.

3. "Troth" means faith or loyalty when pledged in a solemn agreement or undertaking. Just in case you meant to look it up after the Royal Wedding but had not yet gotten to it.

4. When news broke on Sunday night of the Navy Seal raid that got Bin Laden, for some reason I imagined that the president had been sleeping and was awakened with the news. I was shocked later to see that he'd been in the Situation Room and everything. I guess I thought that we'd been looking for Bin Laden for 10 years and that this was bound to happen sooner or later. Didn't realize that this was such a specialized operation.

5. This will be my first Mother's Day without my mom. I could never have imagined last spring that she'd no longer be with us now.  On the other hand, it's her first Mother's Day in heaven. I'm sure it will be heavenly ;-)

6. This is Danny's first Mother's Day as a student. We are interested to see how his pre-K teachers will deal with the two moms thing. Great we think. This cartoon from the New Yorker really hit the nail on the head don't you agree?

7. Has anyone seen my druthers? If only I had my druthers...

Have a great weekend, and Happy Mother's Day indeed to all mothers everywhere! -M

Really Danny? Really?

Almost 4 year old Daniel insisted the other day that he could fit into his 1 year old brother's overalls.  After all, Mickey Mouse is awesome right? About 15 minutes later he let me know that it was time to put on a pair of his own pants. Still cracking me up after all these years ;-) -M

What a difference a day makes...

Benji likes his new haircut. What do you think? ;-)

Happy Easter

We are looking forward to a beautiful Easter here in DC. The forecast calls for warm sunshine and that makes me so happy.

I've been thinking about my Mom as we approach this blessed day.  Mom dying on Christmas Day was sort of "bizarro world" or something for me. After all, on Christmas Day we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child and it's traditionally a day of joy and celebration of new life. I know in many ways that her death was an entry into new life so it should make more sense to me, but it is what it is. I don't know how I can ever know another Christmas without some sense of mourning.

Which brings us to Easter. The three days leading up to Christ's death and then his rising on Easter are much more aligned to the mourning that I mentioned. On some level I know that when Mom was dying, her suffering and pain (and ours to watch her decline) were relatively small in relation to what Christ went through for us. But it still hurts terribly to think about that time.

Mom was a faith filled person though, and so am I. Which makes me sense that the joy of this Easter will feel more intense and beautiful than any I've ever known. I know I'll sense her presence, and feel her spirit rising which is a wonderful feeling.

This Easter too I have the unexpected pleasure of being able to join our Church choir in singing a peice of music that I've loved since I sang it in high school. It's called the Vivaldi Gloria.  I've gone to several rehearsals and something about singing with a choir again is awakening in me a part of my "self" that has been asleep for a long time.

This probably won't make sense, but I keep thinking of "imprinting".  Imprinting is a term that describes how animals decide "who they are".  I think that my early connection to singing in really good choirs through school imprinted in me a real comfort--a sense of fit. I feel so comfortable standing and holding music, breathing correctly, sight reading, listening to blend well, counting measures and following a good conductor 

But when I think about the things I've learned as an adult, I don't feel like those things come to me so automatically. Take Project Management for instance. I am a certified PM and can definitely lead, but I always have to review again how to write a new charter or how to use the tools I'll need. Not with music. It's like second nature.

Makes me want my boys to follow wherever their hearts lead them and give them every opportunity to find their true happiness. Danny already loves music (especially drumming and strumming a guitar) so much. I'm really happy that Su found a fun music class we can all go to for the next few months!

Anyway, I'm sort of rambling now. Sorry. Happy Easter everyone. Hope it's a shiny happy day for you! -Monica

Our Boys of Summer...

Our two little guys love to be outside now whenever they can. And after a long winter, you'd think I'd be equally as enthusiastic about it, but the truth of the matter is, I don't much like being outside. I never really have.

Maybe it's my fair skin and all those painful sunburns I got as a kid. Or maybe it's the flies and mosquitos in the summer and the crunchy sticks and stuff that falls off trees that make it near impossible for me to comfortably go around with bare feet. I don't know. I just know that I appreciate the cool comfort of the house if I have a choice.

But you know what? Knowing how much the boys love it outside, I'm going to figure out how to love it a little more myself.

After all, Danny and Benji adore being out on the tree swing, and in the sandbox, and running up and down the sidewalk with their little friends so much. And I do love sports, so playing catch or kicking a soccer ball or shooting at our little basketball hoop won't kill me. And chatting with our neighbors is always a pleasure.

Our yard out front is small and abuts a circle which is great in terms of having a pretty low volume of traffic, but who am I kidding? Traffic is traffic and when you have a three year old and a free range toddler outside with no fence, you can't really just relax. At least I can't.

I like to believe that as time goes by I won't feel the need to be quite as vigilant--in fact I'm sure it will get easier for me. (Stop snickering now.)

So where does that leave me? Well, outside with the boys when we have fair weather until I have to be "that" mom who makes them finally come in to eat supper and get ready for bed.

Hmmm...or maybe I can be the mom who stays inside and makes supper while Su stays out with them! Why oh why does she have to be the good cook in the family ;-( -Monica

April showers'll bring May flowers, but first these little sprouts... ;-)

It's like we gave up washing their faces for lent...

Snip and Snails and Salamander Tails...

Danny and the whole family had a great time this weekend hanging out in West Virginia with some friends from our church. Fortunately the rain let up so we got a chance to do some exploring. We asked Danny on the way home though what his favorite part of the trip was though and he said "sleeping in the car on the way home".

Must have forgotten about the thrill of discovering the salamander and spider egg sac as well as his "plunge" into the tiny creek and pretend fishing at the waterfall. But he's probably right about the nap. After a few days out in nature, our little city boy was pretty tuckered out.  Already looking forward to heading out there again! -M

Criticism Catcher

The other night as I was drifting off to sleep I was thinking about how very easy it is for me to criticize people. And you know what? I don't like that I do it one bit.

I like to think I'm pretty sneaky about it though. I mean, I don't say just anything to anyone, and in fact, one strategy that I have is to just share them with Susanne.

How much fun can that be for her?

I also like to think that I find "good" words to say critical things. For example, I'll say that someone is "high strung" instead of saying that they are "annoying", which is really just being critical anyway.

So as I drifted off to sleep that night I imagined a big Dream Catcher to catch all my critical comments before they pop out of my mouth.

I've "caught" 4 pretty mean comments since then.  I like it when imagery works for me. I hope this one sticks! Monica

 P.S. Also, calling a neighbor "crazy "insert name here" is a really bad idea. Cuz remember, three year olds think that that is the person's name and they will tend to say "hi" accordingly!

Uncle Neily

So this weekend Danny stared whining about how he wanted his "Uncle Neily". I thought that was pretty sweet since Uncle lives far away and Danny doesn't see him often. But the more I questioned him the more frustrated he got until I realized that he was telling me that he wanted his "Ukulele". We'd just bought him a real ukulele and he is in love with it. Sorry Danny. I'll try to listen better next time. Oh and Uncle Neily...he wants you too. Time to come for a visit! -M

Just to clarify...

I showed Danny yesterday's post with the picture he drew of his "favorite animal".  He thought it was great and the best part was that when I asked him if he knew that a pool wasn't an animal he looked at me and said "mom, there's an animal IN the pool".

Apparently there is a monkey in there somewhere. So he says ;-) (Pretty good answer though if I do say so myself!) -M

I'm so proud. I think.

I have a few more months to use the "he's only three" card right? ;-)

Boys will be, well, you know...

 Aren't they angelic?

Oh, maybe not so much...

Sorting through mom’s things (a trip to the brain dump)

This weekend I flew to Minnesota and spent many hours with my sister Alice systematically sorting through our mom’s possessions—packing things to donate, filling trash bags with things that were no longer needed, and talking a lot about both our mom and dad as we paused often to reflect on their lives and our loss.

It was tiring—pretty much equally emotionally and physically. I was going to write more about this but somehow I just don’t feel like it.

Work goes well. Susanne and the boys are fine. Spring is coming. Just wish I could pick up the phone and talk to mom about everything. -M

Come on Spring. You know you want to stay...

What a Shame...

Today I attended the funeral Mass of the husband of a co-worker. He died very unexpectedly a week ago and he was clearly very much loved by many as hundreds of people poured into his family's Catholic Church to say goodbye.

The priest, bless his heart, started off by welcoming everyone and saying something along the lines that although many people of different faiths were in the space he knew that the Christian love was a common bond that tied many of us together as we gathered to celebrate this man's life.

That was all fine and good and the service was touching, but then I couldn't help but feel shocked when it came time for communion. The priest had to explain to the roughly 500 mourners that the only people who were welcome to the table were those who were Catholic and who did not have grave sin in their hearts. The crowd began to murmur. Clearly a huge majority of mainly African-American mourners were not Catholic.

He pleaded with them to please understand that the Church was working very hard to change this--it didn't seem particularly right to him either I could tell. He did stress that Catholics believe that the Eucharist is not just a symbol--it is the actual body and blood of Jesus so not just anyone could receive it. He lamely invited anyone who wanted a blessing, to come up with their hands folded in front of them a certain way and he or a deacon would bless them. I don't think anyone took him up on that offer.

You know, although I am no longer Catholic, I have not been excommunicated from the Church and believe you me, the fact that I am gay, in no way to me is a grave sin (or any kind of sin at all). I don't believe that God made any mistake with me. But I hesitated. Why? I don't know exactly, but after about one second of thinking,  I went up to receive communion.

But I was mostly saddened that out of the 500 mourners only about 20 of us went up to take communion. It just seemed so sad. Like watching discrimination in action. Later a preacher who grew up with the man who died gave testimony and it was like night in day. He spoke of the awesome power of Jesus to console and teach us, comfort us, love us.

Night and day.

-M

Mama got a new phone for her birthday....Benji too!

We think he knows that this is a cardboard phone... ;-)

Apparently you can be too clean...

Benji got a little ahead of himself tonight and inserted himself head-first into the tub a little before his time.

As we like to say around here "OH MY!"

March Showers Bring May Flowers (or something like that)

Here are a few of my favorite flower pics Susanne has taken in recent years just to make this rainy day seem oh so worth it somehow! -M

Come on spring!

Da agony of da teeth ;-(

Well I don't know if we both just have short memories, or if Benji's pain with his molars coming in is just so much worse for him that it was for Danny.

This poor little boy. Two nights in a row now he's continued to wake up, crying. Arching, writhing, hitting...the poor guy is basically out of his mind with pain.

Last night we even did a preemptive strike with Tylenol before bedtime and it was as if we'd given him nothing. We finally used an infant type of topical numbing stuff for his gums. Tonight we'll try frozen bananas, ice cubes in a washcloth--whatever will work. We'll also try Ibuprofen to see if that works better for him.

I wish I could tell him that this is all done now, but I have no idea how long this will last.

I've decided that this is the one downside to being a mom. Watching your child suffer while feeling helpless. I'm praying tonight will be a peaceful one for him. -M

Our little soy boy...

Jenni guessed correctly that my art below was Benji. He was wearing a dark jacket with the hood up and a lighter colored vest. I think his face is pretty distinctive and I love the grin because although he is generally a happy little guy, when he scowls, he scowls!

We recently realized one reason for his periodic crankiness--turns out he may well be allergic to dairy. About a month ago after a week of him feeling sick and being really stopped up (yup on that end) we took him to Su's chiropractor who specializes in pregnant women and kids. She treated him with some stong yet gentle massages of his lower back and face, and strongly recommended that we try switching him to soy.

The results were pretty dramatic. He started sleeping better in the mornings after his typical crack of dawn bottle. And he just seemed happier. As the chiropractor told us "you'd be cranky too if you were constantly ingesting something that made you feel sick."

After a few weeks we tried to introduce some easily digestible dairy in the form of yogurt back into his diet but he immediately got stopped up and crankier again. So we'll hold off. Our doctor agrees that this might be an allergy. Some kids grow out of them so we'll just have to see what happens. In any case, he loves the organic soy milk which is HUGE. (Can you imagine if he didn't like it? Ugh!)

So, sweet as he can be, he certainly lets it be known when he is unhappy with any decision you may have made. But he's got a grin to die for, and when he's sleepy he's the cuddliest guy around.

He and Danny are quite the team. And we have a feeling they are just getting warmed up!

Have a great day everyone! -Monica

Just for fun...guess who?

Happy Choo Choo Birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday Susanne!

Is it really almost March 3rd again tomorrow? Well, then, tonight's the night Danny and I will make a special cake for Mama and the boys and I will "surprise" her in the morning with gifts and candles and song at the breakfast table.

It's so fun to see how Danny is excited yet a little jealous that this celebration if for Mama instead of for him. But he's especially psyched that his Nana will arrive from out of town tomorrow. It think it's great that Susanne's mom will be with her to celebrate her special day. I don't know if it's because my Mom passed away a few months ago or what, but I am finding myself feeling very pleased that Susanne gets the chance to share special moments like these with her Mom.

Our celebrations include fondu night with the family on Su's birthday and the next day a party with neighbors. I think we are going to have a splendid birthday party and wonderful weekend for my dear wife.

Honey, my wish for you is that this is the most fantastic birthday you have ever had. Love you sugar pie! -Monica

Make Way for Babies!

For those of you who know me in real life, you know that we have a really dear friend named Luis who I first met about 10 years ago when we started working together. He is one of our Danny's Godfathers (lucky boy has 2 Godfathers), and well anyway, Luis and his partner Steve decided, a few years ago, that they wanted to start a family. It took some time, but through the grace of God they are now fathers to three gorgeous little boys--Joaquin is about 10 weeks old, and twins Alex and Reggie are about 6 weeks old.

Their story is unique and I highly recommend you check out their blog called 2Men3Babies (it's also listed on our blog roll).

Well the exciting news is that they should be returning sometime later this month from the country of India where the IVF and labor and delivery took place. (Oh and all that stuff in between the IVF and the labor--bless the women who carried these dear children).

I think I'll let some of Luis's words from his blog speak for themselves. This is from a letter he wrote to his oldest son a few days after Joaquin was born--before Luis or Steve had even met him...

Joaquin,

Where do I start? What do I say first? You are 9 days old today and I have not yet had the opportunity to see you, hold you, or tell you how much I love you.  Daddy Steve is leaving tomorrow to be with you and I will soon follow.  I was talking about you today and it was suggested that I write you a letter.  Although I know that you can't yet read my words I pray that you can feel your Dad's love all the way over there as I count the moments until I can hold you in my arms.

When Daddy Steve arrives I am sending him with the fabric chord that has held the cross that I bought when Steve and I first departed to India to begin this journey.  I will ask Steve to take a piece of this chord and tie it around your little ankle or wrist so that you have a little part of me with you and know how much I want to be there with you.  When your siblings arrive in a few weeks I will take the remaining chord and will divide the remainder and finalize the sharing of the chord that has held all of my hopes and dreams of you and our family.

Speaking of our family, there may be those who will be confused or even question how it is that your daddies used a "non-traditional" way to bring you into their lives.  I want you to know that you were born in the most fundamentally traditional way, out of our love for one another.  Your daddies so loved each other that they wanted to expand that love and share that with you.  We had a number of Angels who helped in bringing you to us.

Son, I vow that I will try to be the best man that I can be for you and our family.  My heart is filled with such love and hope for you.  We are so happy that you are part of our lives and only ask that you continue to grow strong and healthy.  On the eve before Steve leaves to be with you and at the end of the year 2010, I look towards the new year and I pray for continued blessings and health.

Isn't that the sweetest letter you ever saw? I can't wait to see their little family of five soon! Have a great day everyone! -M

Here is a pic from Danny's baptism. Luis is right behind Susanne with the glasses and green tie.

Ch, ch, ch, cha...changes!

I know I don't really write much about my work on this blog, and that's kind of on purpose. But I will say I work for a large federal agency, and like I've said for a long time, it's not my "life's work" but as my life's work is my wonderful family, I find it pays the bills quite well and it truth be told, I actually like doing most of the work I do.

But on Monday I will actually start a new job. It's at the same agency but with a completely different organization. I've certainly changed jobs in my life in the past, but I find this transition odder than most, because the reason I'm making the change is because I've grown, how shall I say this? "disenchanted" with some people high above my pay grade in this place. I would never burn any bridges and say bad things about

any colleagues--that wouldn't be prudent (but if you've noticed I've left some space in between this line and the one above it. Feel free to read between those lines ;-)

My biggest angst though comes from the fact that my direct supervisor is awesome. Kind, caring, intelligent--she's an amazing mentor and I respect her with just about every ounce of my being. So it will be hard to no longer work for her. I do take solace in the fact that my new job will have overlap with some work she manages in my current organization so I will work with her again. And there is always coffee to be enjoyed on breaks from time to time.

So, transition time has come. I don't much like change. Who does? But this really is a positive move for me. Onward and upward! -M

Boys and their toys...

Mommy Tales...

I’ve recently decided, as my memory fades in my twilight years (okay, being a little dramatic here), that  I'd capture for your reading pleasure (and our sons’ edification someday) periodic "Mommy Tales".

These tales will span the decades, and story number one goes back to 1987.

The setting was a steamy summer day in Antigua, Guatemala. I was in my first month of training as a Peace Corps Volunteer and had just learned a very interesting fact in my training class. You see in Guatemala (as in many other parts of the world apparently) there is the concept called the “evil eye”.

This is usually some negative spirit from a stranger that can bring danger to little babies in particular.  Often parents have some tricks up their sleeve to guard against the evil eye. In fact I remember my Peace Corps friend Carrie even sharing that her mother (who is of Italian heritage) hung garlic behind her crib for this reason and that her dad had no idea. He just thought baby Carrie stunk for the first few months of her life! Her mom eventually fessed up, but I digress.

Anyway, so back to this steamy day in Guatemala. I’d just learned all about this “evil eye” which in Spanish is called “mal ojo”. Parents there painted a little red circle on their infant’s head to protect them from any evil out there. "How fascinating" I remember thinking.

Well, later that day I got on a crowded bus with some of my Peace Corps buddies, and lo and behold, I spied an adorable infant with a red circle. I was so excited!

So of course I began excitedly pointing at the baby’s head while loudly exclaiming in my terrible Spanish, “Look! Look! Evil Eye! Evil Eye! That little baby right there has the Evil Eye thing!”

You guessed it. Apparently seeing a gringa, redheaded stranger pointing and loudly shouting “mal ojo! mal ojo!” caused a some gasping and panic on the bus. To my credit, I realized immediately that I’d done something wrong, so I shut right up and dropped my head down to look as contrite and sorry as I possibly could.

Then my friends who spoke fluent Spanish smoothed things over by explaining something along the lines that I was just learning and was a little excitable. Thank goodness.

Truth be told though, I’ve never been able to quite shake the feeling though that they may have communicated something more along the lines that I had a super low IQ or something like that.

Ah well. Lesson learned. Think. Think some more. Then speak. Maybe. -M

Mommy with Peace Corps friends Mary Ellen, David, Liz and Jon a long, long time ago while serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Guatemala.