Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Greetings loyal readers

Well I know people continue to visit our blog because our cool widget on the sidebar shows the visitors. If not for that, I would guess we don't have any readers as we get so few comments, but that's okay. With the pathetic amount of writing I've been doing lately I'm surprised anyone still tunes in.

As you can tell, our two precious boys continue to dominate all of our time and energy. They are a handful (what little kids are not?) and even though at times I'd like to pull all of my red hair out, I don't. Mostly because if I did I'd look like a crazy woman!

Susanne and I are a good team when it comes to taking care of the day to day stuff, but at times we definitely have conflict over parenting. These conflicts generally occur in the middle of the night when I am, according to my lovely wife, too quick to jump to the call of a crying child. She believes that doing so only rewards the crying. The worst part about having disagreements in the moment, in the middle of the night, is that you can't talk about it. Especially if one of the crying boys is now sound asleep on the floor of our room. It's also worse when the boys are sick. It seems like torture to me to just let them cry if they are hurting.

I'm not saying that Susanne is wrong in her assessment. I'm just saying that it is exceptionally difficult for me to always know the best thing to do, even when everyone's interests are the same. The boys share a room so when one cries out loudly in the night, I want to do all I can to keep the other boy sleeping. Sometimes this means removing the offender to a different space. It doesn't help that Danny clings to me and hangs on when I try to comfort him.

I know that Susanne has a point, but I also think her threshold for listening to the boys cry and scream in the night is different than mine. So I am always wrong. Or at least that is how it feels. It also doesn't help that usually the boys tend to cry out for me (Mommy) and not her (Mama) which I know hurts her feelings. Sometimes, I feel like there is no right answer to some of this conflict.

So Benji just got the fever that Danny has spent the past few days dealing with. I'm not looking forward to this. -Monica


Strawberry said...

Whew...rough. Just the thought of having kids up in the middle of the night gives me goosebumps. lol. Like Susanne, I'm more of a hard-ass with not wanting to go in there and do soothing...BUT if there's an illness, that changes things for me and i'm much more understanding. So I guess I'm in between ;) I don't and won't know what it's like to have two, and in the same room, so I can imagine how that changes things and that you'd want to whisk away the one who's awake.

Here's how I see it: If you want to take it upon yourself to get up from your bed and deal with the night wake-ups, I say go for it. And she can stay in bed. I see no problem doing this when they're sick or for the occasional regular wake-up. I think things would need to change if it became a regular thing and they were, in fact, taking advantage of your nighttime comfort.

I hope you get things worked out and the household is 100% well soon!

Susanica said...

Thanks Strawberry. I know that this too will pass. I also hate that we are in a row house and I know that the boys' room is right next to a neighbor who can't help but hear the crying. Hopefully once everyone is healthy again it will get better. Home today with Benji. High fever just like I predicted. Sigh...

Just Another Lesbian said...

Mikki here!

Ahhhhh...that was THE fight in this house! Here is what we came to after HUGE middle-of-the-night fights. We set an alarm. If one of the kids cried, we checked the clock. If, after 10 minutes the first time (15 for subsequent wakings), I would go into their room and comfort. After 3 times (my limit), I ignore. If Kelly wants to comfort, feel free. Sickness was always a game changer.

Now, they just get up and come into our room. Which is easier, because Connor ALWAYS goes for Kelly and Bailey for me. It feels more fair. We still never, ever allow them in our bed, so it's easy to just put them back to bed. This happens maybe 2-3 times every couple of weeks...

Hang in there...