Monday, May 14, 2007

Just the way it is

For those of you not familiar with the concept of lesbian families giving birth to babies, I'd like to point out an interesting fact. Those of us who are the non-biological moms have to adopt our children. Now I suppose I should just be grateful that the District of Columbia allows for second parent adoption (not all states do.) But jeez!

We have to get letters of support from friends to "sing my praises" and try and articulate why I should be allowed to legally adopt my child. Then we'll have to submit to a homestudy before a judge will rule on my worthiness to adopt this child whom I've loved since before it was conceived. It seem almost ironic that if Su were raising the baby alone or with a man the baby would live in the exact same house. But since I'm in the picture we have to be scrutinized. To me this makes no sense at all.

And...if a straight woman is married to a man and gets pregnant, the baby is his in the eyes of the law. It's not about who the "father" is (could be the milkman right?) The child is the son or daughter of the spouse. So since I can't be a legally married spouse, I have to be scrutinzed for my worthiness to parent my son or daughter. (Did I mention that adoption cost a boatload of money too???)

I bet there are plenty of homes in this country where there are "legal" moms and dads who would not look very impressive were social workers to come and check things out. Who wouldn't look like they could be very good providers if a judge reviewed their finances. Heck who don't even really want to be parents but they are.

When, God willing, our child can be legally connected to me, he or she will benefit there is no doubt. We can travel without my having to carry papers to prove it. All legal questions of order of precedence etc...will be unquestioned. I can use benefits from my job that will be better than the ones Su has available to her. It's all good for our baby.

Until that time, I guess in the eyes of our society I'm just that woman who lives with Susanne who is going to help out a lot with the baby. Yes, something is not quite right with this picture. Think about that the next time you get to vote on legalizing gay marriage. Go figure. -Monica

1 comment:

Sarah and BB said...

I know exactly what you are talking about!