What me? Worry?

When now 16 month old Danny was born, Susanne was able to stay home with him for about the first 7 months and I, of course, did not have a care in the world about his safety and well being.

After 7 months though we knew we’d have to come up with some other option, as Su headed back to work and we totally hit the jackpot when it worked out for Danny to be cared for by our dear friend Jenni. Jenni and her husband Nelson took the same birthing class as we did, and had their first child a few weeks after Danny came along. I cannot possibly express how comforting it has been to know that Danny is with Jenni during the day. She’s awesome with him—nurturing, caring, capable and oh so loving. He has thrived with Jenni and his little playmate Oscar.

So now comes the tricky part. Jenni and Nelson will have their second child in early December. We are delighted for them but of course this means transition. We’ll be starting Danny in a day care center near Su’s job at the beginning of November so Jenni can head into that final month of pregnancy without the added responsibility of an extra toddler every day. We like to think that he’ll eventually go back there but who knows what the future holds? Will it really be manageable to take him back once the reality of life with a newborn in the picture comes to pass? I guess only time will tell.

And how do I feel about all this? Anxious and nervous.

We have visited the place he’ll go and it seems just fine. We actually learned about it from a woman who has her child there, and she and her partner seem very pleased by the care their little one has received. So why do I worry?

At Jenni’s Danny’s been able to stay in his own rhythm. When he’s tired he naps. When he’s playful he plays. He’s got a routine. Everything is comforting and familiar to him.

Now that will change. At the day care center, the children his age take naps on cots in the early afternoon. No morning nap. I don’t know why this saddens me to think that he might be pushed to stay involved in activities if he is really tired. Hopefully he will think everything is great fun and acclimate to his new schedule quickly. But I don’t know.

But I know that for me a huge part of all this is the perfect trust that we have in Jenni. Without a doubt she loves Danny and cares for him from a very loving place. How can the caregivers at this center in any way emulate that? It’s not possible. There he’ll be just another child I think. I just want to sit outside the windows of the place for the first week and watch everything. How he’s treated. How he responds. How he’s really cared for. But that’s not really realistic.

The rest of Danny’s life will be filled with adventures and new schools and new friends. I myself have always loved those kinds of things. I’m the one who ran off and joined the Peace Corps for gosh sakes. Talk about risk and change. And even long before that, I went to a new school every year when I was a kid because the boundaries kept changing for our street. So by the time we hit Jr. High, all the kids who had been at the same school their entire six years were scared and timid. Not me. I already knew everyone. See, I like that kind of stuff. So why am I afraid for Danny to deal with new things?

I wish he were old enough that he could tell us in words about his day, but he’s not quite there yet. So we’ll have to see what we can learn from him without words.

And as I think about my transition concerns I find myself thinking of Jenni’s sweet little boy Oscar. Think about it? His best friend Danny will suddenly not come over any more. So he’ll play, but it won’t be the same. Then in December a new little baby will arrive and his world will turn a bit upside down I’m sure. And you know what? I'm guessing Oscar’s gonna adjust just fine.

Kids. They are more resiliant than I sometimes give them credit for. I'll have to keep that front and center in my mind as Danny starts at this new day care center. -Monica