Requited

I had a little e-mail conversation the other day with one of my favorite bloggers. Xbox4NappyRash, an Irish guy who lives in the Netherlands, shared a tremendous amount of information (in a most entertaining way) about his and his wife’s two year journey of trying to conceive (also known as TTC).

They finally saw their dream come true last spring when they found out they were pregnant (due a month after Su), and as I’ve read his blog in recent months, I’ve noticed two things.

1. He is the happiest guy in the world; and
2. For some reason, his commenters seem a bit less plentiful and a bit less humored.

For instance he wrote about his wife going to a prenatal fitness and well being class a while back and he got lots of comments from people aghast that he wasn’t at the class too. He clarified that he’d be going to some meetings later but again, these were not the kind of comments Xbox used to get. This is just one of a few examples I’ve noticed of a little more judgment and a little less cheering.

So it got me thinking that the difference is that he was one of the few men in the blogosphere who blogged honestly and painfully about the ups and downs of TTC and while he did so he was a hero! His identity was that of the super guy who “communicated” and “shared his feelings”. Now he was some sort of Neanderthal who was probably going to camp out in the hospital waiting room passing out cigars and never once change a diaper.

As he blogged during the two years of trying, he basically also continually failed at attaining all that he and his wife wanted. A baby. They were so “unrequited” for so long. And on some level that made it fun to go back for more.

After all, isn’t it human nature to keep watching unrequited love? Remember the show Moonlighting? Or today we have shows like Bones and NCSI. If Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth got together would Bones still hold its same appeal? What about Tony and Zeva? (Do I watch too much TV?)

My point is, when Xbox and his wife got pregnant they kind of took on a new identity in the blogosphere. Instead of TTC they are Expecting.

His blog posts are still so clever but infused with great happiness where as before they ranged from hope to bitterness and angst to despair (and back again). So this shift to happy Xbox has been an adjustment for many. And probably for some, too painful to read as they still struggle to get pregnant. Or maybe for some the suspense is gone now so it's time to move on? I don't know. But I do know that I still love to keep up.

For his part, he’s shared that “you can't control other people, you can influence what they get to read about you, but that’s not the whole truth, never is.” He also said that he’s no angel, but no devil either.

I think he’s gonna be a really great dad. -Monica