Friday, August 22, 2008

I Muse, Therefore I am…

I guess Shakespeare already took all the good stuff about love, so there’s not much else left out there. But I decided to go ahead anyway and muse about how I experience love for the two most important people in my life. And I think you know who they are…

My love for Susanne, is powerful. Think of a magnet and steel. (Yes, yes, I do know that this is the title of a 60s rock song.) I know that this doesn’t sound particularly romantic yet, but give me a chance!

What I mean by this is that as we go through our days, two strong independent working women. We are busy doing stuff and not focused on what the other is up to every second of the day (well I’ll speak for myself ;-). And yet, as the time comes to head home, I sense in myself a wonderful pull of anticipation that we’ll be together again soon. This is where the magnetic pull analogy comes to my mind. Once we’re home we are pretty much connected. It’s a rare night of television or reading or what not where we are not in some way touching. Legs entwined on the couch—a loving touch of the hand. Yup. I love this woman so much—I still sometimes cannot believe she picked me! Sweet! *Note, I'm not sure which of us is the magnet and which one is the steel. ;-)

Then Danny. How can I say this? I feel like we are permanently connected by an invisible rubber band (I imagine it to be clear.) Even through it stretches so we can be more than 10 miles apart most days while Jenni takes wonderful care of him, I can feel that imaginary rubber band gently tugging on me almost all the time. I just want to be together with our boy again.

So when the little guy is back in my arms this imaginary rubber band can finally relax. I especially love it when he gets into his “Koala Bear” mode (refusing to dismount from his prime time spot on one hip.) Oh how I love this boy!

I feel so blessed and I’m reminded of my favorite quote by St. John of the Cross:

“If you find no love, put love there, then you will find love.”

Now if only I could be so profound. –Monica

6 comments:

Jenni said...

Lovely, Monica. And did't you two just have a wedding anniversary not too long ago, or is it coming up soon?

Susanica said...

Thanks Jenni. Actually it was on the 6th when we were in Vermont. We had cheesecake with our friends--not too crazy, but a fun anniversary. Have a great weekend! -M

Ms. Flusterate said...

Hi Monica and and Susanne--I have a few questions for you but I couldn't find your email address anywhere on your site...Can I write you? Quick story: My teenage daughter just went off to college and seems to be having trouble with her roommate (who I think is scared of the fact that my daughter is gay and is thus ignoring her)...anyway...if possible, can I write either of you?
Thanks! Melissa

Susanica said...

Hi Melissa. We'd be happy to chat offline. We don't have our e-mail address on our blog for security purposes and unfortunately I can't seem to get yours from your blog either nor reply to your comment e-mail. If you wouldn't mind commenting again with an e-mail address where we could write you we'll send you a note okay? The situation you described is sadly pretty common. Looking forward to talking to you. -Monica

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Lovely saying.

But what if there already is love, but you can't 'put' love there?

(whoah, deep)

Susanica said...

Hi xbox. I used to think about that a lot because I first came to adore that quote about 10 years ago...long before I met Susanne or ever really dated anyone. I think that we can decide to "put" love into the world all the time. When we say a kind word to someone or perhaps do what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do rather than the most expedient thing. I think if we are wrapped up in our failures looking for a quid pro quo (if I'm nice to people maybe I'll finally meet the woman of my dreams) then everything is off by one click. But if we are feeling terrible and devoid of love it's too easy to just start withholding love from everyone in our world. Then we become bitter and jaded. So I like the quote because it challenges me to stop the bargaining (for me that means my bargaining with God.) Just to constantly realize that the lack I may be feeling at a point in time means that I am finding no love and I need to consciously decide to be a loving person. That's how I see "putting love there". Maybe it seems sort of Karmic in a sense to me. Anyway. Glad you like the quote. I'm full of em!-Monica