Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Not forgotten

This morning Danny was wide awake at around 5 am, (ugh!) and after taking him downstairs and giving him some milk he fell asleep in my arms on the couch for the next two hours. Just like we did in this picture taken the week he was born.

He’s a bit longer now that he’s 21 months old—stretches all the way past my knees now, but it seems to me he fits just as perfectly now as he did then.

As I held him I reflected on something that’s been on my mind of late. If the baby that we lost to a miscarriage last summer had survived, he or she would have been due right about now. This week.

This makes me (and Susanne of course) sad. I can still remember exactly the song that was playing on our CD player when she called down to me from upstairs that something was wrong. I can't listen to it anymore. I just can't.

Life does of course go on, but you're changed by this experience. You forget in one sense, but you never really forget.

But I am also reminded of one of my favorite sayings by Hafiz.

"This place where you are right now God circled on a map for you."

As I held Danny in my arms this morning, I knew with great certainty that this was true. And that we are blessed. -Monica

4 comments:

Casey said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage.
I love how no matter how big they get, they always fit snugly in our arms. Let's hope Danny sleeps a little later tomorrow (same thing with Graham, my new 6AM riser!).

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Thats beautiful.

Out of the blue and beautiful.

Jenni said...

i don't quite know what to say except love each other and give danny extra hugs this week.

elizabeth (dundee) lampert said...

I'm sorry.